If not?

If I close my eyes, I stare into the abyss of darkness. Just a little step over and I am one with the darkness. Instead I just swing back and forth, not here not there.  In between. Let the music crawl slowly up my spine.
Let the wind howl away the worry.
It is a fight I cannot fight. I stare into the shadows all around, hope to see the faces I know.  Instead there are just glimpses of maybes and madness waiting for his time to come. What is there to stop me from giving into it? Let the madness take me, while I am still sane.
I let the music slowly crawl up my spine.
I let the wind howl away the worry.
Back and forth I go.
Who will stop me?
Who will take me, before the madness does?

Who

 Who are you, when you are the last to stay awake?

Are you sad?

Or are you mad?

Kind?

What is on your mind?

Who are you, when you are last to go?

Are you mad?

A little bit glad?

Lost?

In a certain way tossed?

Who are you, when you are all on your own?

I want to be free

 I feel most alive- only in my dreams. When wind howls away my worries, and I am safe in your arms. You gave me the safest feeling I have ever felt.

I feel most alive- only when I dance. Even when half a world keeps us apart, I can feel that dance with you. That musical divinity and connection through our bodies at 4am.
I know I feel most alive when I have to put up a fight for the things I believe, but I cannot fight to be with you. I can just dream and remember the days long lost I spent with you.
I try to get over you, not that there is much to get over. No matter where I turn I just see your face, even when I close my eyes. Those are your eyes always staring back at me. I know I need to let go. So can you just go away out of my mind before I lose it completely?

Everytime I close my eyes

This is who I am. Living in my own world. The longer time passes by, the bigger it gets.

It is a lonely place, but also delightfully magical. Some may not understand, how can something like this, can still make someone happy. So listen close- it is a story of my own.

In a dark, silent night - listen to your favorite songs. By the midnight close your eyes - learn to fly. Let the whole world transform around you, even music suddenly becomes divine.  Thrust into a dance, be wide awake - but half asleep. Let it feel like everything,nothing and something within calmest chaos that you could feel.

Don't worry. You can come and go as you please. There is noone to tell you cannot, you should not.

You can open your mind to all the ideas - wild, mild and a poorly designed. Some will stick around, some will be gone by the time sun will rise. Go draw a landscape, write a song, just do nothing while you calmly imagine life. 

You can keep going, you can stop or do whatever the hell you want. Touch your skin, brush your hair, laugh, cry - just be your true self. You deserve it.

All I could do

 Tonight. Before I go to sleep on my own. As I would always do. I can close my lonely eyes - just imagine. 

Tonight. I keep them closed, only to see your brown eyes looking back at me. Looking deep within my broken parts. Make me feel safe - just imagine.

Tonight. I lay my hands on your soft face. Run up and down your warm skin. That makes me feel so alive - just imagine.

Tonight. I can only imagine. That tonight is not another night, where I have to be on my own. Feel like I am being held, feel like I am being heard. Just imagine.

Tonight. Before I drift to quiet sleep. Before I stare in to abyss of my mind. Before I listen to silence in the air, with voices unheard. I let myself not to be alone - just imagine.

Wall high

  If I were to lay down next to you, in an early summer morning, in bright white sheets. I would let the wind brush you first, right before I brush my fingers through your hair dark. So you would know difference between me and the wind wild. Before all the good morning, hush darling. Let our lips do all the talking this time.

If I would lay down next to you, in an evening late. I would let the moon to shine you blind, just before you fall asleep. And in a fleeting moment before you close your eyes, I would look deep inside you. So the last thing you see before you fall in deep dream, were my caring eyes.
If I could lay down next to you. I would become your music, your art and the cold air you breathe. Be your touch, be your soul and be your support on the days dark. 

Tonight

 In darkest of dark nights

He came

We played in crooks, nooks

And shadows below

We stood under rain

Let the dark wash us down

All the dirt we kept within

In the darkest of dark night

We played with hooks, looks

And abandoned books

We were up and down

Down and up

In our stormy minds

In the darkest of dark nights

We became tools, fools

Each others knights

Feel you

 I keep you always at the back of my head, for a conversation real. I know it makes me safe this way. 

After a long day, when noone else around cares enough to hear all the stories I have to tell, I know you are there. And sometimes I use his face as yours, even when I know it might never be. Sometimes you are just a toon out of my dreams, that drive me wild. You are someone without a face, or with all the faces at the same time. 

Most of all you are a feeling. Feeling I want to feel for real, but for now you  are just a feeling that keeps me awake until better days are to come.

 I keep you at the back of my head, after dark when I lay down, to have a conversation real. You are someone I can only imagine.

Not a lie

Once I drop the rocks I carry within us, let them crack those hidden scars wide open. What was written, hidden between the lines, becomes one step closer to revealing the true self. When she becomes more than just myself, when she is another meaning in a sentence carried out in a darkness.

One step. Is all it takes to reveal the biggest secret of my life. So much lighter it becomes, so much easier to feel. 

Let us speak

 If you are a story of my life

 You can run

But you don't know where to hide

You can close your eyes

And speak before you dream

But I will never

Take away the blame

I can only keep the cold away from you

Keep you warm, when I don't know how

And as we breathe as one

There is nothing else to feel

There is nothing else to be

Just part of a story of my life

 

I will sleep

 

New year

 I wish that every one of us out there, this year, have a warm shoulder to lean on after every hard, cold day. And have a pair of ears, who will be there to listen to our best days, or just someone to be silent with. I wish we all find what we are looking for!