tell me where I am

Mēs spēlējām spēles, un tad es varbūt noguru, varbūt es zaudēju. Es nezinu kā tad īsti bija, bet redzot tavu skatienu, acīmredzot tas ir viss. Palikušas atmiņas par kurām es vēljoprojām smaidu. Tavu sirdspukstu skaņas, tavs noslēpumainais skatiens. Cik smieklīgi, ka es vēljoprojām nezinu tavu acu krāsu. Vai jau kopš pirmās dienas, kad iepazināmies mēs nebijām pieraduši spēlēt spēles, vai tad mēs nezinājām, ka nekā nebūs. Un šodien, kad neprāts ir beidzies, es esmu pārliecināta, ka šeit vairs nav vietas meliem. Tikai tam, kas es patiesībā esmu. Tam, ka tu patiesībā nekad nezināji, kas es esmu. Būs kāds cits kuram spēles jau apnikušas, cits kura sirdspukstos klausīšos. Un ar laiku arī tu pieradīsi pie tā, ka nebūs vairs šī bezgalīgā monopola. Un ar laiku tu aiziesi no maniem sapņiem, atstāsi vietu kādam citam, kurš mani turēs tikpat cieši un pasargās. Mēs spēlējām spēles, viens no mums nogura, viens no mums zaudēja.

I could go higher

Kā lai es pasmeļu pasauli savās mazajās saujiņās? Kā lai es iemācos atteikt, ja tik ļoti baidos kādu aizvainot? Tas varbūt mans bērnišķīgums, kas mani tādu atstājis, bet kāda gan tam vaina. Vai mēs visi dziļi sirdī neilgojamies pēc bērnības un laika, kad bija vienkāršāk? Lai arī dzīves ceļi mūs izvadā cauri vilšanās ērkšķiem, vai tas mums aizliedz pa retam naivi kādam uzticēties? Un pat, ja atkal mēs nonāksim pie ērkšķiem vai uz mirkli mums nebūs piederējušas rozes? 

Pasmeliet pasauli savās saujās, tās jums lielākas nekā man.

you and I

One day you and I. We will fly so high. I'm loosing my shy and fear, to ask you for a dance. We both will share this feeling and dance till the first sunlight. We will dance, feel and dance. Perfect for each other, feeling into deepest parts of our souls. We'll feel like we're the only ones here tonight.  Perfect in our own ways. Together we'll accidentally break the world. One day you and I.

questions with no answers

Hello, my dear. This is first letter I accept from you, I guess it's my time to give you back what you gave me. It seems that I don't know much about you, while you know almost everything about me. I think that this letter is the only thing that could tell me something about you. We are two different people, but to tell the truth our agreement made us the same. Sometimes things might go wrong in your life, and maybe words couldn't change it a lot. You know that you were born as an angel, as a star with loving heart, and pure soul. Most of the time you're perfect just the way you want to be, so if you break I'm not going to judge you. Perfect people are allowed to break too. Don't torture yourself with these thoughts.

it would be nice

You're close to me, closest you've been for a while. I can hear you breathing, I can feel your heartbeat, but somehow I feel emotionless, I can't feel that passion anymore. A year ago you being so close to me would make me loose my mind, but now it's like nothing. Now and then I look at you, old habbit I would say, I see nothing. I don't know where along the road I lost my passion, my love, a little sparkle that I had. And now I'm scared that it would never come back, if so I would never be like myself again. I don't care if it was you or someone else who made me this way, I want it to be the way it was.

 I want my sparkle back.

chaos within chaos

Kārtējais haoss un pārspīlētā, prātam neaptveramā nekārtība, kas rada netipiski drošu sajūtu. Cauri tam visam es cenšos izsprausties, cerot nepaklupt aiz kāda pamestā domu grauda. Ko gan mēs darīsim, ja es nespēšu atrast pati savu saprātu, vai vēl trakāk būs, ja es viņu šeit pazaudēšu. Es esmu pārliecināta, ka es zinu, ko es vēlos, tikai nespēju to atrast. Lai gan ir iespējams, ka tas atrodas man acu priekšā un es vienkārši esmu par aklu, lai pamanītu. Man ir labi, tapēc es baidos, ka ja es mainīšu kaut sīkāko detaļu, tad viss sabruks. Pēc sabrukuma haoss kļūst par lielāku haosu, un zinot sevi tas ik dienu kļūtu haotiskāks un haotiskāks, līdz kādu dienu es atkal būšu aprakta neprātā. Mēs jau lieliski zinam kā tas beigsies, jāmācas no kļūdām. Haoss nēsā līdzi savu daļu neprāta, es tikai nezinu vai tam ļauties, vai aizstāt to ar uzmācīgo saprātu.

wisdom from strangers

 "You are really good, I would say too good. You need to stop and start listening."

-someone I know-

Photo by Stepans Žabins

such a pleasure to watch them dance

something for nothing

If you're rather bored and have few hours of time you should check out this place - Abandoned places. This photographer is definitely very passionate about photography and abandoned places. 

Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows

We'll never stop wondering what could have been. That's simple as that. I think that is the hardest part of it all. But it's ok, every experience is worth something, good or bad. It just means life is getting us ready for something better, we just need to be ready to get that. We need to know how it is to be sad, so that we could enjoy happiness to the fullest. Then eventually instead of wondering about what could've been, we'll know for sure that everything led to what it is.