Running out

Stay low to those lonesome nights. When reaching for dreams seems too unreachable. Your soul is tired and just says no more, not today. No more of that false hope. Stay real. You are just you. Noone is here, noone has been here for a while. 

Stay silent to those quiet days. When opening your mind seems too much. Keeping with your thoughts on your own. Just repeat to yourself, nobody cares what you want to say. Nobody has been caring about your world for a longsome time.

Stay in a dawn. In all those inbetweens. Between the stories of others, between another day where you could feel something. Do not die, do not live - just kinda exist. And remember to let go of all the silly feelings that you might feel. None of that matters. Has never even mattered. That should be enough for a while to keep alive.

 

Find me

When you came along I was already so broken. There is nothing you could have done to break me even more. It is not possible to break something that is broken. 

When you came along I did not need to be healed or fixed. I just needed someone to let me be me with all the missing pieces. Even if at that one moment I was broken in a way that seemed unfixable. 

Through a lifetime of lone nights and empty spaces, I knew how to fix myself bit by bit. In a way that others might say I was still too broken, for myself I was almost whole again. 

When you come along, do not judge, do not try to fix it. Just be your honest self, just be next to me. And I will be my honest self, just next to you. Maybe our almost whole will become one whole again. 

Soft

 I want your lips to kiss all of my softest body parts. I want your fingers to run up and down my skin. I want your eyes to stare into mine. I want your voice to echo in my mind.

I want to use all of the night to talk about us.

 I want you, do you want me?

Not me

 

Felt

Was I never worth that tiny sliver of stay?

Who was I supposed to love, if those who I loved did not love me back?

Where was I going to find my home, warm and safe, without loosing away most important parts of me?

Dancing could fix anything in me

 

Taken

All the unexpected things happened in that moment. All the troubling thoughts of long lost past, they vanished at once, and all I could see was how attracted I was to those eyes. Her playful nature, her beautiful smile. Her thoughts that had captured me, but I could not hear them at all. Her soft skin and tender hug. All the uncertainties and my usual avoidances, did not matter anymore. My mind was taken over by her. 

Wrap myself

 

Not quite another

I have been at this edge a thousand times. What am I supposed to do?

The words stay silent in my mind, they do not want to roll on my tongue, to tell you truth on how I really feel. 

How am I supposed to?

Trust myself? Has even any single thing been real in my life. And what if all of this is just another fleeting feeling that will pass after a while, once too many goodbyes have been said. Who was I supposed to trusts, when I could not even trust myself after all this time. You know time was the only thing that was not fleeting, it was dragging. Keeping me waiting, looking ahead, false hope breathing.

But maybe the words do not matter anymore. Maybe it was just another small moment to remind me of all good things that I cannot have. Of hugs that have been kept locked away from me. Of kisses never received. And just me, forgotten in a way. Left to fend myself, when I dont even know how.

All these maybes in my wild mind, ups and downs in middle of all the chaos. Never enough certainty.  

So what am I supposed to be?