Felt

Was I never worth that tiny sliver of stay?

Who was I supposed to love, if those who I loved did not love me back?

Where was I going to find my home, warm and safe, without loosing away most important parts of me?

Dancing could fix anything in me

 

Taken

All the unexpected things happened in that moment. All the troubling thoughts of long lost past, they vanished at once, and all I could see was how attracted I was to those eyes. Her playful nature, her beautiful smile. Her thoughts that had captured me, but I could not hear them at all. Her soft skin and tender hug. All the uncertainties and my usual avoidances, did not matter anymore. My mind was taken over by her. 

Wrap myself

 

Not quite another

I have been at this edge a thousand times. What am I supposed to do?

The words stay silent in my mind, they do not want to roll on my tongue, to tell you truth on how I really feel. 

How am I supposed to?

Trust myself? Has even any single thing been real in my life. And what if all of this is just another fleeting feeling that will pass after a while, once too many goodbyes have been said. Who was I supposed to trusts, when I could not even trust myself after all this time. You know time was the only thing that was not fleeting, it was dragging. Keeping me waiting, looking ahead, false hope breathing.

But maybe the words do not matter anymore. Maybe it was just another small moment to remind me of all good things that I cannot have. Of hugs that have been kept locked away from me. Of kisses never received. And just me, forgotten in a way. Left to fend myself, when I dont even know how.

All these maybes in my wild mind, ups and downs in middle of all the chaos. Never enough certainty.  

So what am I supposed to be?

 

Hide not

When all inside me is twisting and turning

Hurricanes are forming

And I

Crave

Crave 

Crave

To touch it

Wildly

So

In those eyes

Those eyes
Once
Felt like entire skies
How can I forget them so easily
That did not seem feasibly
Those eyes
Once
Meant to be wise
How could I be a fool if I did stare
Without them I couldn't bear
Those eyes
Once
Became to be never seen again
So I became empty and plain
Once
Because of those eyes

Weave me

I am a weaver on paper

I weave lace in my drawings 

Weave words in my stories

Weaver of my own will and mind

Still could not weave enough

For my own life

Another night

Ah, you foolish little heart.

Never could understand why it felt the way it did, why others got the things you wanted so dearly. You only got to dream of them.

Maybe there were lessons to be learned in those long lone nights. But for how long can a lesson be, until it turns into a torture. Silence was an amazing teacher, until it yelled so loud, and all you wished for was to be more.

Ah you foolish little heart.

Knowing you tried to do all the right things, yet still end up in empty embraces. With all the love you wanted to give but only to end up loving your tears rolling down your face. Yet you keep longing for all the impossible things, and that just breaks me in a million different ways.

Foolish, of you to keep fighting, what if all you want the most cannot find its way to you. What if you are not good enough to deserve it to come your way. What if your hopes are just pointlesly sown into the wind. 

What a fool you are, indeed.