Half a coin

 There will never be enough time for us. Or the right circumstances that fit us together just like that. We just have to live of those small summer bits, from way before. Just nice memories to keep us on. Just a small secret out of our reach.

Life just placed us so diferently. In my mind it will be one those half finished stories, that will make me keep awake at night. Making up the endings, if only's. We never get enough the right time. Never do I get the right words. The memories that won't fit in just right. That just is what it is.

Frame it

Here, here

         Fairy, dear

One way out

              You can be found

No need to keep delaying

Hide an seek, replaying

No wings should be lost

All worries left in the past

           Once in 100 years

I will dry your tears

              Clear your way

                 Let you stay

Not all of us are the same

Do not carry within you shame

       Let me take you tight

                      Make everything alright

My fairy, dear

                                              Here, here

As I grew up...

I will not let anyone make me feel like I do not deserve what I want.

Finding way

 

Inside

 I cannot tell about myself in few words. I am a book too deep for your eyes. As the years of mine progress, there will be more stories left untold. Memories forgotten, it all will just become a history. I am everything and nothing at the same time.

I cannot tell about myself in few words, can you?

You know what I meant

She fell into my arms
Unexpectedly
From the darkest skies

She painted me
Explicitly
With the colors brightest

She confessed to me
Quietly
She fell for those eyes

She meant every word she said to me
Honestly
Falling was her favorite thing to do

 

You are the time

 What if you were the one not given choice to leave? You thought you could just come by, go, say goodbye. If I had a chance to grab you tight, say don't go by. Hold your skin, and feel tender lips press against mine. Make a moment last a little bit longer. 

What if you were the one left confused, that I could make you stay? You thought you just flew by, keeping my eyes dry. If I had a chance to change your mind, the way you think about me. While fading away out of my mind, I just couldn't let you go without a stroke of electricity passing through us. Just so you know I saw you, before you did. 

What if you had a choice to stay? 

Whatever we feel

 

I always knew

I want your hand to fit in to mine

Just feel us touch

I want to hear your voice

Just to fill the silence that surrounds me

I want to catch your eyes

Just as I reach to stroke your skin

I feel so close, every morning standing just right next to you. Yet we are too far away. There is no freedom in me, to do a thing to get what I want. Nothing hurts more than the feeling how everyone just comes and goes through my life. While I am just here looking for that tiny glimpse of connection somewhere. A small hope that maybe one day someone will last for a moment longer . Maybe one day I won't be the last one picked. Last one seen.

I want you to walk beside of me

Be a gold within the dirt

I want to catch up with you

Hold you until the sun comes up

I want to remember how it feels

Not only keep you in my dreams.

Two sides

Noone has to dance on their own

Some of us still do

Some of us choose to

Some do not

Noone has to feel sad on their own

Some of us still do

Some can choose to

Some can not

Noone has to keep silent when they have enough to say

Sometimes we still do

Sometimes we choose to be

Some other times we do not.

Fall with you

 The skin. It is nothing but an empty shell, that keeps me away from you.From listening for something I have never heard. Touching skin I have never had a chance to touch before.

The lies. I am nothing without these white lies. I have been there lying next to strangers. Hearing what they want to say. Feeling what they feel. It is not the same way I want to be with you. Do not want to be strangers anymore. 

The world. We could open up a whole new chapter in our worlds, that we have built. Really be there, instead of craving to be somewhere else. Feel our shells to peel away, layer by layer. And you know it too. When the whole confusion is gone, and our made up walls break down. 

We will fall asleep.
Wake up.
Just be for us. 

Empty

When I close my eyes, your face is the only one I see. Back in the days when I couldn't care enough I just had to let you go. That was the way I had to go through it all, but now I just wish that you could see how I have grown. Reset, admit - complete. 

When I close my eyes, your voice is the last one I hear. In an empty space within my mind, made up conversations I rewind. Back in the days when I didn't feel like saying too much, so I had to let you speak. But now I wish that we could speak, for real, let me quit all of my old pretend. Instead we have all this empty space all around us that we just can not get to use. 
When I leave to run away, to seek answers that I already know. For a quiet moment stop avoiding all that I feel. I know what it truly is what I need. Admit to myself the secrets hidden, and remember the one who made me feel save. Only one to not put me down. So now I wish that you could be here, let me touch you, hear you, be with you. This one time, but for real to be myself with you. 

Uncomplete

The deeper I stare the lower I fall. I know I have gone too deep, can't go anymore. The further I go, the narrower road back seems. Will I even be able to just go back. 

Your skin fritters away everytime I reach for it. I still remember the feel of it, but only for a minute before it wears out again. I can feel it. But not completely.

These are just memories fading away, since there is not a thing around to keep them alive. Deserted - is all that comes to my own mind. Lost all pull to reality, leaving emptiness noone else could grasp but me. This is just something I cannot change, it just keeps pulling me in. Embracing me all around.

The longer I stay here, the less of chance I leave to have a way out. I don't mind at all. The deeper I stare, the more it pulls me in. It just keeps on going deeper and deeper. And so much deeper.

Moments away

Listen

When you feel some things are not meant to be. Trust me, that others are.

When you feel your dreams are dying. Others will come instead.

One day you will sit in middle of nowhere by that little house you always wanted. Listen to the sound that nature rumbles up. Bird chirps, thunder bangs, mist rolling in.

Those will be the shoulders that will hold you tight. Tighter that you have ever been held.

Through the forest will songs come just for you. They will carry you. Nothing will be too heavy to take with you. And all the things that you thought are not meant to be, will be there. Your dreams will be alive, and so will be you.

Trust me when I say so.

Listen.

This way

When I close my eyes I see the dreams that would work out better if there were two.
When I open my eyes, I have to deal with it all as I am one.
When I see inside how it feels, it makes sense like it would be better if there were two.
When I look around it is twisting,  as I am one.
I can just keep on hoping that one day there will be two.
But for now I am one.

To be continued..

One day I will wake up, 10 years later, and still have the stories to tell. 

Just to grow into a book that keeps on writing itself.

One day I will wake up, 10 years have passed, and I will look back on all the stories told.

Just to see how much I have grown through all the stories that keep my memories.

Hours and hours

Sun played through window straight into the silent room. It was a song that was only heard with my eyes. Sunny bunnies reflecting on mirrors and dancing all through the empty room inviting me to join. 

I did. Only I did.

So I hummed with them all along. I danced as soon as the sun came up. Didn't even stop when the moon rose. 

You can't blame me for being a dreamer, even if I do dance and sing a little too much. I never want to stop. 

Wind chimed in through door cracks calling for me to join all over again. Rain calling out my name everytime it came around. I heard all the world, life busting within me, but you didn't even know. 

You never did. Only you never did.

Far far far away

You little naive girl. Full of impossible dreams and hopes. Where did you go?
All the songs you sang, all the dances you danced, all the smiles that filled you. Where did it all go?
I know that within all that emptiness, impeccable walls and icy cold breezes, you are still in there. Cause I made a promise to never kill you, even if others do try. Just hidden well, only for few people to be seen again. I will keep you safe till the last breath I take.
You are that one part that I will never kill in me.
Even if others do try.

Not a first

In the darkness deep I stare
While you just sit
Still
Watching me
The darker it gets the further you drift
Cause all you ever do is sit and watch
You won't budge, you won't scare
Even if I have gone wild
I know that through every crowd
Wherever I turn
You will just sit and watch

Hey, I can't call loud enough for you to hear
Hey, why don't you just stop this whole charade
Maybe instead of just sitting
Still
Watching me
Say something, do something
Help with something
Instead of this whole pretend
Don't be unreachable stranger I barely know
Be someone, with someone

Still
You just sit
Still
Watching me

Locked out

All doors will be open eventually, I just need to find the right key for every single door I face. So have you seen my key bundle?

Lion in a wardrobe

Real kings do not fall for provocations and false accusations.

Especially from those who have a fake sense of being above the king.

King will just sit still, and wait for provocator to exhaust himself, and with just a single roar he will scare it away.

So anytime you try to provoke a king, make sure you are stronger than him.

Double up

One day. One sunny day we will build our own place. Just for us to finally feel at home.
One day. One rainy day we will be held from all of our sides. Not just with these two tiny arms.
One day. One wonderful day we will celebrate the love. Unpredictable and still full of respect that is deserved.
One day. One full day we won't be alone anymore. We won't fall asleep on our own from that one day.

Off switch

Can you hold my hand for a moment here? I'm breaking back in my old scars. I just need for someone to be there this time.

Can you catch me when I trip down the pothole? Im breaking my own mind in the darkness surrounded. I just need someone to not let me tumble down again.

Can you just look at me? Im afraid I am turning invisible more and more each day. I just don't want to disappear into nothingness around.

Can you speak to me? I will try to listen this time before silence swallows me whole. I just don't want to be so silent all over again.

Hold on

Every day is a beauty

The first sip of coffee in morning that just brings you back from sleep. Feel it.

That song that you hear when you are out, it makes you sing along and dance uncontrolably. Live it.

That fresh air thats hits you, after the summer rain has passed away. Breathe it. 

Hug so soft and real, that lasts longer than usual. Love it.

Every sunset, sunrise, smile and conversation that you encounter day to day. Don't miss it.

Conversations lost

So far could I go
If only I would close my eyes
Imagine
I could just sit still
Pretend
That the time hasn't moved
Since the last time we spoke
Caress
Cold winter sun on our skin
Ask you?
How have you been?
Listen to the tales you spin
Take me to places I have never been

Undressed

If you ever want to see me completely naked in my mind, just ask to write about you while you gaze deeply into my eyes.

I forgot

Soft and smooth. I let my fingers dance on her warm skin. That smoothness is just one of a kind, so unexplainably soft. So I just brush slowly up and down her side, while she is vividly asleep. 

Citrus - sweet scent. I let my fingers dance in her hair. That scent is the one to remember, and for sure to know that not one other scent in the world will be the same. So I breathe her in for this instant moment, while she is stunningly asleep.

Perfectly still revelations. Tonight in a pace slow, I am here to enjoy the atmosphere in this dark, silent room. When I look at her I see the stars shining, illuminating. She could be a star fallen, unshattered. With exceptional feeling she keeps music playing in my ears around her, even when she is sound asleep.

Sanctuary

It is getting late. I am all out of place in this space. Vast emptiness just presses me down.
I am playing the same part as usual. In a darkness that consumes my sanity, but it is nothing new. The fear within is the one that just revolts me. Is this all that will ever be for me?

To do

Will you join this journey with me? I brought snacks.

Will you pretend to see the stars? I made them all up.

Will you fall with me down below? I have enough pillows to land softly.

Will you fall asleep next to me? I do not snore I swear. 

Will you listen to the song I hum? I dum dum du dum durumm..

Parts of me

Every even night I blink out to some other place. Not here, or there, in my own way. To a perfect place that lets me be selfish, I know what you will say - you have been selfish enough. Maybe I might have, but not this way. This is a way noone would understand.
Every uneven night I become a secret you cannot know. Not like this, or that, in my own way. To be someone who I trully am to myself, I know what you will say - you have been too much of yourself, maybe it is enough. Maybe I might have, but not like this. This is a way only I would know.

Every fortnight I will be a little bit wild. Not less, not more, than the only way to make someone go mad. I know what you will say - you have been so wild enough, time for you to change. Maybe I might have, but none of this is your place to strip me off of my own skin.

You know what I will say - you will not be the first to try and cage me. Instead to walk my shoes and understand, you sow fears inside my mind. I say no more of this I am willing to take - you stealing away all the small bits off me.
I say that you will be the one to go.

Upside down

Boys turn to girls
Girls turn to boys
This is the world we are living in
We want to try one
And the other
Experience each other
Sometimes just a little too much

But were the times better?
When men were men
And women were women
And all was just that
We still were complex creatures
Who didn't want writen structures

Boys turn to girls
And girls turn to boys
This is the new world we are living in

But he wouldnt

I am a quiet whisper inside her head
In the middle of the night
I wonder if he ever
Does think of me?

She is a loud talker
But only at night
When during her deepest sleep
She shouts out to me
Dont you dare ask for me

We were nothing
But a distant memory
With a shallow smile
And uptight touch
We just wouldnt care
To be

Impossible

I like the back, but I don't like the black
Look at this rhyme I crack
Just a dress on dress I stack

I like the bold, but it won't get it sold

It could never get worse than that
Pick out, first one cut

Backround playin fifty one track

Not what I want to see, want to flee
Not a moment here I want to be
I guess I will just go bare

When a woman says indecisively

I have nothing else to wear

Day long gone

I was not so humble then
Just too young and naive
Trusting and fearless i might add
That was all that got me
Mistakes, regrets
Fears and lots of tears

I was not so strong then
Maybe deep within a gasp
Looking for something more divine
That was all that got me
Falling stars, broken hearts
Lost time and simple smile

I was not so cold then
Just too kind and open minded
Devil was just waiting for my fail
That was all that got me
Heartless and malicious souls
Simple minded, empty people

They were all that got me

Feel in

In a night way too short for two of us. 
We will run away, first, second and even the third time.
Under dark blue sky, in a garden full of light shimmer, we will know it all even better.
To lay down on flower swings and just stare into the stars that we cannot tell apart. Maybe we could, but not these times, we will have enough time to see. Later.
Maybe.
The only place that we will see deeper than ourselves will be each other eyes. Discover.
Offer before we take.
Sweet vulnerability, that even with the words that we don't know, we will feel it through.
Change places and be.
Hide in dark, deep corners and believe.
In a night way too short for us...

Did I?

I don't let the silence take over me anymore. Through all the busy rush, I brush off.
Occasionaly I have to let in a small moment to myself, music and my inevitable thoughts.
Brushing fingers through my own soft hair. Feel the smoothness of my own warm skin. Realize that all I need I have within me.
And in a long time I haven't had a heart to admit to myself, that in a moment like this, there is not a person in the world that I would like to be here with me.
Just myself, music and refreshing thoughts.

Ages ago

Whenever you ask me what is the biggest secret I have, I have to nod and smile. Before I say that my own thoughts I have trouble explaining.

If we choose to travel down this quiet road now, leading to the middle of my nowhere. I want to build a house out there, within my own paradise. So far so many bricks already wasted. But I am not a builder, just a wasted dreamer.

Whenever you ask me how far would I go, I have to close my eyes and imagine.

Before I explain the place I know hardly exists.

If we choose to travel down this muddy road, leading to the middle my chaotic nowhere. I have a place out there, with peacefull mountains and hills. And a lake with a clear, blue water. Grass so soft you can lay down and never wake up, while gazing at the stars. So far only steps back were taken. But I am not a risk taker, just a wasted dreamer.

Whenever you ask I just have to admit, I don't have any real answers, just too many wasted dreams. I am not a simple dreamer, I am a wasted dreamer.

Geiranger, Norway

One day

I want to be your favorite book, you take in your arms. Flip through pages, some still fresh, some already worn out. Smell the print of letters and covers. Immerse into stories you know you just have to read.
I want to feel your fingers brushing down my story pages. While you let me pull you in for hours, to try and figure out the upcoming twist.
I want to be the best book you have ever held.
I want to...

Be real

As the dark red sky illuminates, right before the darkness falls. So I got to ask if I would call, would you come for me? Even though time has passed, I would even say a little too much time. Or would you turn your cheek the other way and pretend? 

As the bright fire clouds run all over, to swallow us, but not quite yet. I blindy seek for more of the future sights. Reach into parts of me that noone should ever reach. And if they gave you your sight back would you look at me? Even if we would need just a little more time to understand, but we would never get enough. Or would you cringe and pretend as if my eyes were too empty for you?

As the darkness takes us all, and lets the thunder rumble as if it owns the whole world by himself. I will lay my body next to my favorite place, soaked and frozen, not the best sight as you know. So I got to ask if you would be able to find me? And lay your body next to mine, hold my hand in yours and stop all the pointless pretend?

Third one's charm

Going back to the coldest night, where we didn't get a chance to talk. Just akwardly, silenty I followed you. Just a kiss, but please don't tell. I can't just for now tell you where it would lead. But if we do try, let's try for the second chance we get. To find some time to gaze, and hold and just talk.
Going back to the coldest night, where we didn't get a chance to talk. Maybe next time when we do, it won't seem so cold anymore. 

Everything I need

Do you know what real freedom feels like?

Satisfaction of an impulse,

Perfect sound and those tiny details

Movement of whirlpool.

Do you know what real freedom feels to me? 

Loud music throbbing through my veins.

My muscles doing all the work for me,

Darkness so deep the room turns to infinity.

Do you know how to make me feel free again?

Just turn on the music that takes me away into dance without hesitation.

Let me fly away with my eyes closed.

Illusion