still the same

Oh, you little foolish girl, you never learn don't you?  Why do you even keep fighting and trying?  Do you have the right reasons or just guesses and questions?  Maybe giving up would be the easier way out. 

I know you won't give up, you're too foolish for that I guess. But learning from mistakes is a must. Now it's too late. You can't take back anything. And next time you hurt them or yourself I'll laugh in to your face. I'll repeat to you these words: "I told you so". For now you can just keep fighting your demons inside you and keep hoping for best, but we all know that for you there is no best. 

unwritten not hidden

All these letters and words I've written to myself over and over again. Things that explained the same expectations from world with different words. Words that strangely have become reality, or my mind only fools itself to make it feel this way. Let's stay with the version that these words have come out of dark, to make it brighter. But what if...

What if the other side also comes out these letters ..

What if also the darkness I've hidden within some words decides to become real and destroy like it always does. What then?

Will I have to start all over again or maybe somewhere there, deep within blank spaces of my own letters, I've hidden another ray to bright up even the darkest spot of ink?

 

 

thousand steps

Sometimes I have too many things to say, sometimes I can't get out a word. Sometimes I try to talk, sometimes I just leave it there for you to wonder. Most of times I just know how to make five, seven, thousand steps. Most of times I only remember how to dance.

...

pieces of my own

So there I was

Looking straight into your eyes

Before you could say a word

I told you my first goodbye

Just as you think it was the end

No my dear friend

It was a morning or first sun ray

A chapter in a book or something like that

Maybe I started confusion

Maybe some new mind revolution

Probably change in us that we waited for a long time

A touch, a dance, a kiss - would you also like some?

highlights

My dear, there's so much I would love to say, but since you know me best, you know I won't say a word.  Also of everything that happened before, I do not wish to rush too fast. I write stories of which you have  known before, only this time I share some of  the true me in them. And you know that there's still that part of me who doubts and scares myself. I do still manage to convince myself with a little foolishness. I could put this all in more difficult riddles and metaphores, but I highly doubt that you would need that. 

maybe some day

This way I move from day to day without ever realizing how nightly creatures have changed me. They wonder how I manage so easily to avoid them. There's no art in that, thats the way I have always done. Only few of them, would dare to notice. Few would try to change me on purpose, but they would fail. You can't change something that doesn't want to be changed. Have I become weaker in my own mind to miss these self made illusions and mindless sets of dissolutions? And what if when I come out in sun it burns me and all the creatures that dared to follow me?

gravity

One night again I can feel the perfect feeling. One body of two swaying away to music and dance. Wherever you move I move. I don't have to think anymore, my body moves there by itself. After an hour or two we're left the only ones over here, but just a little secret from me is that all this time it felt like there never was anyone else. Just us and music, but even here I would say I didn't hear a single song.  And after it all walking home I wished for cold wind to cool me down. If not to cool down then just dance one more dance just like in those long lost dreams. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFbI5qt53lk

surreal world

Sometimes I feel like I live in some surreal world. I feel like my mind inhabits this strange body, that doesn't feel like mine. What is going on I think then. I feel like sometimes I'm at the wrong place with the wrong people. Mirrors weirdly become my enemies, they don't seem to really show who I am. They can only show this body that I don't think belongs to me. Only at some few unexplainable moments of my life I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. 

Maybe it's all only in my mind.

a little bit of Africa

"Deep in the Forest / The drums play strong / It is sacred / The whiteness of the moon / Has been tied to the darkness / The mystery of the night / Is found on her body / And in her eyes as well / In her heart a child cries / A cry of loneliness / Bissau is sleeping but doesn't know it / My child, my love, you are sleeping / And not knowing it"

nothing bad will happen

Sometimes I forget where I am. Even worse sometimes I forget where I want to be. I have no excuse for being here and not moving forward. Have no excuse for forgetting about dreams I've made. So I would not forget anymore I have to put reminders and notes all around me. Who knows maybe eventually I'll remember to get where I wanted to be.

when we could stay?

I'm a little butterfly, that takes your heart from the first sight. I seem so wild and free, yet so fragile. Story behind me is a different kind, but when you lay your hands on me, watch out and don't brake my little wings. When you hear the stories of me, remember what my real mission is. It's to bring a little summer in your life, a little smile. I'm the one who for a moment gives you a reason to forget everything else. Don't try to get your heart close to mine, cause soon I'll move on to warm up somebody elses day. Someone like me is not for keep, I'm just a fleeing memory for a day when there's nothing better.

flying too high

For a little moment, a second or a half, a world around me dissapears into nothing. As a person that I am, I change from what you know of me.  If you look deep enough you can notice how world slowly dissolves, it turns into useless pieces. I start feeling that magical rush running through my body, I become lighter than the feather of a bird. If you cannot see, it means you've never been there. For a little moment I sway into music so deep that it feels I'll never get out. I hear every note of the melody,  it becomes a part of me. For a second or a half I for myself become real. I become perfect. My little mind only then can start believing that everything is possible.

standing closer

this happens way too often

I still haven't found a way to get rid of my overwhelming feelings. Desires just consume me, and eventually leave me heart broken. They make me deny the truth. 

Just like some waves in the ocean they torture me. I have no power and no will to resist them. After storm passes I'm left in some lonely, forgotten, bold and unknown place inside my head, with cold look in my eyes searching for another prey.

Amazed by you

You amaze me by the way you do. The way you look my way, and sometimes come too close. The way you make me feel when reach within my soul. The way you talk, the way you dance.  I might forget this all in a week or two, or might not forget at all. I might be a fool, that seems too smart. And I see that only in your eyes I'm someone who I'm really not. 

stop before I fall deeper

Could I stand right next to you, maybe even get a little closer? I'm still scared, but I feel the best right next to you. I've been scared for a while, I've been here once. I'm afraid that what I want might not be the best thing I should have. I had a feeling like this once, and I should learn from mistakes. I shouldn't allow myself to get hurt this way again.

I don't want to start writing letters like I did years ago. What's the point of that, it's not like he's going to read them. I'm just going to keep myself together, better than I did before. I will not go back to looking weak in someones eyes again. I'd rather roam around these days on my own.

today

 Forgive me, about tomorrow, I'm not sure if I could make wrong of it. Sorry about yesterday, I won't try to fix it anymore. After the dark will set down, before midnight, right when you can hear the sound of first owl - it's today. You know who and where I'll be waiting. And if you decide not to come, or you're just too lost to find your way, don't worry. Today even the thought will count. Knowing that we'll meet, for the first time again. Not tommorow but today. In a charming way we just know every day is today. 
Bare it in your mind... Today we'll meet. Today... 

for one more great day

"An embrace means I don't feel threatened by you, I'm not afraid to be this close, I can relax, feel at home, feel protected and be in the presence of someone who understands me. It is said that each time we embrace someone warmly, we gain an extra day of life."

Paulo Coelho