31.12.19

See me again


10 years of old hopes to die. Of new ones made. And I am not sorry, for choices I made. I can't judge if you are for yours. 
I had battles to run away from. Some to face head on, I cannot let fear overtake me. I can't judge if you had to run away from yours. 
I used to have a plan for life, now just have to take it one day at a time. At least for now I am still moving on. 
Don't judge me for all I am and will be in next 10 years to come. 

26.12.19

Not at all

Any key will be able to open the door to the world within. Only choose carefully, as on the key itself lays the choice of what you will see inside. You know how we all wish to open just exactly right door of what we wish to seek within.

19.12.19

Step by step

When all these years pass by, just within your mind. How do you find a way out of those deep labyrinths, when part of you say that you must stay put. Are you ready to face your fears that await outside?

Almost near


Can you feel it?
That moment where two hearts beat just too fast, almost like shooting stars. A little akward, crazy how scary it gets. When two eyes meet in a gaze, and it makes a whole world spin a lot faster. And could be the worst place for it, but it is always the perfect place. 
Can you feel it?
That moment where two hearts sync in the same rhytm. Where holding hands just makes them tremble even more. It is barely visible how heads lean in. Slowly..slooowly..sloooowly..
Can you feel it? 
Whispers that turn to kiss for the first time. How two strangers can light up the night, and make the stars fall at day. 
Can you feel it?
I wish I could.
Don't kill the curiosity, but also don't let it kill the cat.

14.12.19

Burried too deep

Silence the world just for me. 
Once in a very long time listen to the song my lost soul sings. You don't have to believe a word she says, since she was the one who chose to run away. You don't have to be amazed by the made up stories she tells. You don't have to say that it might be easy, you don't have to say anything at all. 
Just listen.

03.12.19

Believing close

Just take off our clothes, throw them all around. Interwine within the darkness, let the cold air in as we feel the heat from each other as the only thing existing. Thigh to thigh, chest to chest. Palm to palm. Skin to skin. Let us just dance slow.
Pull out candles, turn to stars that call out all the demons we hid. Laugh too loud within our own minds. Hysterically nervous we have to let go. Fall down from overtaking life. Bit by bit we lay down. Skin to floor. Shoulder to shoulder. Gaze within. Let us just lay there still.
From fingertips till the end of our tip toes, we need to start counting all the skin on us. Brush each other, to lift up every tiny hair on our body. Shake the cold air inside out. Let us just shiver together. 

Got us to feel the comfort and stress the moment like this brings.
Easy, slowly.
Breathing, at the same time we stopped living. Feeling, but still kinda numb. Wrong, but so right.
As if it is anyone's care if we lay here, naked. Guessing, making up but never really knowing how. Skin to skin. Gaze to haze. This is the only moment we will ever call to be true. Within the comfort, yet still on the verge of uneasy. Restrained to rules of chaos. Let us just count the time quietly.

30.11.19

Seeking for something deeper

Sometimes when we speak too much, words start to lose all the meaning that they are meant to bring. They turn to shallow laughs, worn out jokes and lost deep connections. 

17.11.19

Save me


Let me hold your fire in my open arms, I don't care if it will burn me.
Let me pick down all the stars from the sky, and share them with you like the sweetest candy. 
Let me dream about all we could do a little bit more.

09.11.19

Infinities

If they say you are not perfect, say that you are happy and free to yourself. 
That is most important of it all.

Going blind


What am I supposed to say when the words don't flow anymore. My legs keep shaking from fear and I just can't breathe. Keep repeating to myself, let go of this madness inside. Hoping this would be easier. 
What am I supposed to think, when all the fear keeps me away. Keeps me to myself. I just keep hearing, at the back of my head, be brave.
 Let go.



Yet I really want
Just to lay down
And slowly gaze at stars

30.10.19

Within our minds

In the middle of the winter night. I want to embrace you close and talk out all the melodies inside our hearts. Feel the street lights play on our skins, and darkness hide within our hair. We can colour up the cold. Within the darkness we can see so much. Eyes grow deeper, time becomes slower. Dreams start dancing all around and make us come alive. Only just for one winter night.

27.10.19

Anger


I was so damn angry, so how could I know that days like these just run by. Eventually anger becomes just a memory of days you wish to never repeat.
The light ease creeps in, to set you to happier way. Slowly all that was passes away leaving you lightly flying, and hopefully bringing back your wings to let you rise again.

26.10.19

Sometimes.


Where do your eyes go
Travel over the horizon
What are the things that you hold back
What is it that you miss
While looking for some bliss
Do you feel it might be too late
Sometimes too early
To let life flow along fairly
Where does your mind go
When you think that all is over
As a wish old made to a clover
On a ride so long
But for some too short
Where does your heart go
When you long for more
For all that lasts
For something so far
Over the horizon
Exactly where you know your eyes go


28.09.19

Listen to the deepest parts

We let the darkest winds howl through us. But today we say no more. Today we leave all the anger, all pain behind. As we let the air into our lungs, we can become just how we always wanted to be.


Sooner or later

This is just who we are. Blinding through darkness, reaching for another eyes to see for us. 

14.09.19

Colorful

One day it all is over. Just like it never was. And for all I care, I dont.
Suddenly I am free, I forgotten how wonderful it felt.
As I shut my eyes to begin another dream, I know as something is at the end, it opens possibility for something new to come my way.

11.09.19

Green, red, unknown


Oh, dear. I don't know how to feel anymore. Every day is rollercoaster, doomed to crash. Still every morning it is fixed and running. So it goes over and over.
I suspect I am wrong somewhere. Even when I feel it is over. Did it ever even begin? Is it ever really over, if not it is a must to begin the next day all over again. 
And I choose for it to be this way. Oh, dear. At least it is not the worst feeling that could be for sure.

31.08.19

Briefly we fly


Just a tinge of red mixed in blue sky. Evening comes close. 
You can feel it too. All the windows are wide open, but I can't breathe. I just feel the sweat dripping down my spine. 
Untangled this in my mind, rewinded in stories that I just cannot stop. Am I ready or not? 

Silently we sit. Gazing into each others eyes. We just cannot feel enough, we take it all, just to share between us. Hour, two and three, we fly off, this way we will never have to stop. Tangled up this way, in all the stories never told. Are we ready or not?

Are we ready to read each others letters? Ready to show the deepest parts of us. Ready to begin, but forget to stop. To breathe, to just simply be like we are. Are we ready or not? Are you ready or not? Am I ready?

Or not?

25.08.19

String me up


Just a glimpse.
Just one tiny glimpse our way.
I know there is no escape for me. I am so locked on to you, just a little too much, but not enough. You seem so close yet so far. Something we could be, but in just a glimpse we don't get enough to actually be. 
I'm so tired of all the maybe in my life. Just once I need to know for real. Why is this just another glimpse of maybe?

12.08.19

For real, it is for real


Do not ask a smile from me. 
We both know real people and real smiles are long gone. We all just play pretend, you and I are no exception.

28.07.19

Look behind before getting lost

These are just words.
Empty words.
They just lead us through open windows up to locked doors.
Letters twisted in the hurricane, they are not made to make any sense at all. We are tiny minds too small for these words.
Just words.
Not made for anyone at all.

04.07.19

One more time?


You came in just for a second
It was a lifetime that lasted for a little less
But the calmness you brought
Guides me still

03.07.19

Bleed out..repeat..

The angels cry
Cause they cannot die
The angels cry
Cause they cannot lie
I can hear them cry
I know they struggle to survive
The angels cry
Cause they are shy
The angels cry
Cause they cannot fly
But I know they try
To keep me alive
The angels cry
Cause life is passing by
The angels cry
Cause they didn't say goodbye
I cannot give them a retry
So I sing them a lullaby

Hopeless heartbeats

Is there anybody out there?
Anybody at all?
...
Whispers
Howls
Songs unheard
Beats
Steps
Voices lost
...
Anybody at all?
...
Or is it just me?

02.07.19

Part of something


Just some naked skin on her pointy bones. Wind blowing her hair all over. And a single tear falling into waterfall. Not a part of this, not a part of that. Just a single soul calling to the feeling. Can I let her feel at least something?
Tiptoeing through the misty grass. Too cold, shivers running up and down. And just hear her humming a song you will never forget. Just one day you will. Just one day she will.
Twisting quietly wheatgrass through her thrifty hands. Roll, roll it all around, spin it out of control. Just like the rest of her life. And the things you say, tumble through her busy mind. Does she miss it? Just as much as every other human.

16.06.19

If I talk too much


She was a cloud, with a silver lining. She would be a rain and thunder. Until she took it all off, and then she would give you a treasure at the end of the rainbow. But don't chase it too much or it will make you go mad.
She was a jungle, so hard to reach, too deep for you mind to understand. But the deeper you went the less you wanted to go away. As for all the new experiences that you saw for the first time, made you forget everything you had before. But don't wander too deep, or you might never make it back. 
She was an ocean. So cold, yet so refreshing. And heavy waves banging on your souls door. Melancholic, something familiar to all of us. So close, but so far. But don't dive too deep, as she can just pull you in and never let you go. Even if that is the only thing she wants.

04.06.19

What are we about?

In front of me an endlessly light stage. String of guitar, piano key fill it up tonight. First note of our favorite song. This place is so full, but deep inside I am on my own. Darkness, void all around. Isn't that the way the world is now? When so many people are all around, but deep inside we are all contained on or own.

Rocking back and forth. Unbroken rhythm, sweet melody breaks into me. It breaks me apart. It breaks the outer shell away, let me be me just for this song. Isn't that what we all want? To be ourselves in a world full of fake personalities.

Open my eyes, but I still keep them closed. I guess if anyone like me feels the moment, it will be just us. Twirling, twisting, stranger's deep fascinating lines of movement. Closer, further with a heartbeat into one. So lost we forget to ask for each other names. And would that even change something? For this moment we are not more or less than the world has expected us to be. We are just two souls lost into the song.

In the end we just part our ways. Forgetting the night that gave us something to feel. Leaving the endless days on our own. And passions they come and go, they rarely stay. And why would they?
There is so much to feel in this world, we want to touch as many people as we can. We think that is how we will grow.
But isn't it sometimes possible that only one person, is a whole world, you never get to know enough.

25.05.19

Too much of not enough

All piled up
On top and all over
Borders on borders
Everything all over
Me just lying beneath it
Whispering all over


Please...
Love me..

11.05.19

Open your eyes

We could
But we never did
We dreamed
But never day dreamed
We hoped
But never told
We were yesterday
But never today

We charmed
But never stayed kind
We played
But never became real
We talked
But never listened
We were today
But never tomorrow

We could
But we still let each other down

09.05.19

Please, pull me out


As I walked through the valley of fears
All I could hear was her name
She was pretty
She was smart
She was perfect
Always she came first before me

I was just a maybe
She was - always
Pretty ears, smile and those eyes
How was I?
Don't know - nobody asked
As I walked through her shadows
I have stayed one 

She was a - forever
I was - maybe someday

05.05.19

Best times

Sometimes we meet people whose chemicals burn us up, but only for a moment just here and there. Right before they burn us down.

Up and down


In the deepest darkness of the night, white smoke rose up. Up, up and away it went. So did my mind.
On the barely lit street, I couldn't keep myself still. I had to move. Arms, and steps, turns and had to let myself out in the only way I knew. Up, up and around I went. So did my mind.
Under the made up blanket castle at the midnight. I wrote and wrote it all down. Up, up and over it all. So did my mind.
And I just can't stop, it is the main point to never stop. I have to write it down, move it out, enjoy the night. Sometimes it comes all at once. So does my mind.

29.04.19

Countdown begins

Only 30 days left. I made a promise. But can you make sure you do your part?
It's simple as that. I have never broken any promises I make.

28.04.19

My temporary escape

While you wait for a perfect moment
I will walk out the door
And you might miss a chance to take
Did you even want it enough to break?
One day silence will flake
Another day
I will become just a blurry day dream
Of the days that past us by
With just two walls between us
Did you even enjoy it at all?



19.04.19

Carry me through


Only I can see with my eyes, the lives that just might, but won't exist. Living one heart through thousand lives. All the pains, all the tears and all the sacrifice. All the love, all the smiles and all the care. All the bad and all the good.
So is this how am I supposed to live all my life? All that I can and can't. Sometimes too much for me to take, but I still can't stop myself going back again and again.
Only with my eyes I can see, all that could, is and will be.

14.04.19

Unreal paper dreams


You make my life complicated and my mind uneasy.
 Why? Why?
Why do you?
I fear for this to never be over. Even if I have to find nonxistent excuses for myself I want you out of my head. 
Why? Why?
Why do you?

07.04.19

Did i ever


I can't. I can't understand the reasons, for these things. 
I can't. I can't stop blaming myself for all that went wrong. Was it really me? Is there even any way to find out truth.
If within all that you blame me, it really was all me. Then why did I choose to stay?
I can't. I simply can't understand why. You were the person I was supposed to be loved by, be supported by. Instead I just got blamed. 
Maybe you are the reason I can't seem to love. 
But maybe it is all just me, asking for too much. If I ask for less I won't be able to fill the void you left in me? 
And that I still can't.

30.03.19

I am coming back, not broken anymore

How could I? Betray myself?
Once it took me some time to know who I am. I knew who I am, who I want to be.
But then..
But then?
I kinda forgot, I kinda broke in pieces. Kinda lost most important part of me.
But here..
But here?
Here I am, ready to rise to be who I am.

Do you?


Do you remember? Do you remember?
 Do you?
Do you remember how it all felt. Morning sun on your naked skin, taste of kiss, and smell off his skin.
Once your mind can't tell no difference between reality and imagination, can you tell me. Can you tell me? 
Can you?
Can you still feel his hair in your arms. Full moon blinding eyes, dancing in the rain before we lost our minds. I am still sane. 
But tell me once before I can't tell a difference between reality and my insanity, do you remember. Do you remember? 
Do you?

25.03.19


They wont let me see

After all none of us knew if we would have another night to gaze at stars so peacefully. She moved on the red plaid blanket and opened a place for me. 
There we were, lying next to each other. Waiting, getting ready to be invited into her mind. Silence that feels almost embarrasing, like something was lingering in the air, but what was it I couldn't tell. 
She kept her hand next to my side. Deep breath, deep calm breath, I slowly moved mine next to her. Kinda trembling, worried I moved my fingers over her hand. She caught me in the act and squezzed my hand letting me know she wants this too. Slowly, without a rush we turned our heads toward each other. She smiled at me gracefully, gazed deeply into my eyes. I think I had never seen such beautiful stars as I saw that night. Since most of them were hidden in her eyes. 
Someday I will write down this story just to remember forever.

17.03.19

I might be a fool to keep these dreams and hopes inside my head. But on some days those are the only good things I have.

Broken teeth, mirror shards

Why do we keep
Running
Running
All around
Broken shards of
Mirror
Mirror
My own self reflection
Can we catch
Up
Up
To stay where we are
Everyone around us just
Laughs
Laughs
What a
fools we are
Why do we keep
Running
Running
Round, never catching up

09.03.19

Never been, so will I?

I sit in an empty room. Waiting, always waiting and never loosing hope. I don't lock my doors, I invite everybody. Come in, please do come in. Even just for a second would be enough for me.
Days turn by. Still waiting. Years pass by. Still hoping.
I sit in an empty room. I drew and wrote all over walls, wishing that someone would care to come and see. Come in, please do come in. I will keep waiting for someone who would care enough to come in. I can't give up yet.
We are nothing, but a dust on a dust, flying through the dust in a made up timeline.

08.03.19

Stayed behind

All I have is this old, hard and cold table. I put my head on it. I can hear it creak, as if to complain. I am sick of hearing your stories.
My own voice disappears in void. And tears grow old, my eyes wear the loneliness away. I need to tell him another story.
He creaks. No, not again, not a sound I want to hear. He creaks.
I sit silently. Reminiscence. My own quiet soul grows weary. Knowing that even he can't bear me.
All I have is this old, hard and cold table. I put my head on it wishing it was a warm shoulder. And some ears who would not be tired of another story.

06.03.19

It did not matter

Eventually, it will all be alright. It's easy to forgive and forget, only for your own sake. It is alright, for most of it at least.

28.02.19

I cannot stop


Today I am not
I am not the one I was yesterday
Yesterday I was not
I was not the one I am today
I can not tell how the time will flow
But I can tell you some
I am not the same way
Every day I am different
Never repeating, growing
For someone to simply get used to
Today I am not
I am not who will I be tommorow
Tomorrow I will not be
I will not be who I was today
As the time flows on
I become a fleeing moment
Even to my own being

Secrets

If you will ask for one mint, I will pull you into my own insane reality.  You will see that world for me is full of unexpected ideas and spontaneous ways. After all, this one particular life we live only once. Just ask me for a refreshing mint.

14.02.19

Just a second

Your body next to mine
Is all I need tonight
And right before I open my eyes
I want to see your face again
I can hear this voice
I can hear this song
Right before I press play
I want to feel your body next to mine

09.02.19

Stand still


Can you feel the heat rising? Her body in your arms melts like a dark chocolate. So sweet, but still a little bit sour.If you hold it still too long, it will all melt away. So don't stand still. 
Can you feel the heat rising? Don't wait up,or all the sweetness will be lost.
Can you feel the wind blowing? At the edge of the world, you stand and just one step could take you over the dark infinity or you can go back. Please just don't stand still. The moment passes and you are left pondering and doubting yourself.
 Can you feel the wind blowing? Don't wait up, or the moment will pass, and she might just be gone, the wind will take her away.
Can you feel darkness? You have to travel blindly through it, but it doesn't feel that scary as you think. You can enjoy it or fear it, but is it really what you want to spend your precious time on? 
Can you feel the darkness? Don't wait up standing still, sometimes a little courage is all we need. Before we know right at the reach of our arms could be a treasure, or could be nothing.
Can you believe it that you could feel it? Just don't stand still.

02.02.19

Light is still on

We are too young for tomorrow, and a little too old for yesterday. Intervened just for a second, then let go our seperate ways. Standing here lost and wondering, if we could've done something differently.
Strings and piano keys play in my earphones. Through all the music and heavy bass, all I want to hear is - your voice. Just a little bit more.
We are too young for evening, too old for morning. It is just this moment. Could we speak? Could we be different this time?

26.01.19

A-muse-ing

I want to draw out you and me.
I want to write out vibrantly, brilliantly every fantasy out of my head.
Pull you into my bed, trade a week for one single sinful night.
But so far I am lost completely, all ideas roam around. Twist and turn in a hurricane. Clutter up a bit of this and that. Another day.
Here we are.
Hi.
Smile.
Akwardly..

22.01.19

Surprised

Sometimes we find beauty in most unexpected ways.
Unseen, so small and almost invisible for others.
It was just a voice in our heads that just said a single hello. Over and over again.
It just became unexpectedly beautiful in most alluring way.

21.01.19

Last few days


I have thousand words in my mind I wish I could say. I can't get even one over my lips. I feel this whole thing will slip away, and I will wake up feeling regret. In a week I won't be here anymore, did it matter at all? 
Falling down on the floor. So cold I can feel the blood rush through my body. This worn out shirt will not warm me up. I breathe in slowly. In and out. In and out. You are still just an image in my head. I shoud've let myself go, but for thousand of times I just couldn't. Not even this one time.
I used to be a fighter, go-getter. Now I can't get my own bravery together for a simple task. Overthinking, analyzing, not sure if there is something I am missing. I know I shouldn't, should I. Once you have felt the pain so deep, it's hard to get up. I used to be, what I want to be again. How can I again?
Midnight, morning dusk. Is it too late? Is this the right way? I have to try one last time. Next time I meet you. Maybe? It could also be the last time. Hold on. I just have thousand words in my mind for you. I need to get only one over my lips. Not to keep them shut. Thousand to one? Easy, right?

12.01.19

I need decision


What is the worst that can happen? 
Is it really the worst thing that can ever happen?
What if that is only worst of today, but the best of tommorow?
So what is the worst that can happen?

10.01.19

over

We cannot go any higher, this is the highest we can be. Crammed up so close, barely moving we are ready to go down. This was the first time I was so close to you. Pinch here or there, something wonderous lingered in the air.
I raised my eyes to gaze into yours, akward smile on both of our faces. All other people just dissappeared, faded as a sound in a background. We don't even blink anymore, can't even breathe. Can you?
You gently take my trembling hand, so we smile even more than before. Is it even possible?
Once we are out, we are out. We don't want this evening to end. We just can't. Can we?
Walking out into old cobbled street. They say it's too dark, but for me it always seems just perfect. Out of corner you show up. Where did you come from?
Grab my hand and pull in the middle of the perfectly dark street. And just before I say a word..a passionate kiss. No words are neccesary anymore. Are they?