Upside down

 Desires have nothing for me, on the days when someone makes my heart beat a little faster. A little more excited - even when I cannot say for sure I am ready..

But I did leave the door open just a little, hoping someone would want to come in. Letting him get into my mind just like I did once before. Looking into my eyes that I have hidden for so long. I just cannot hide from his eyes. I do not want to hide anymore.. 

I want my heart to beat, not stay still as if it has forgoten how to breathe. I want to feel a little excited and feel desired. I want to laugh even when I cannot remember how. I want to be next to him, let him look into my eyes..

I just want so much even when I think I want nothing at all..

Nightly

 Mild desires - in my mind become wild. I could give it all to be there right now. 

With my body pressed against yours. Pulling you closer, feeling your skin from your shoulders down to your thighs. Trace my fingers down your naked skin as if you were a map unknown. Slowly lean in. Blow cold air on your neck. Kiss you passionately, deeply, kinda wildly.

Feel your body pressed against mine. You pulling me closer. Feeling your hands on my skin from my neck down to my thighs. Trace your fingers down my skin, as if I were a map whose secrets you look to unveil. Slowly lean in. Blow cold air on my neck. Kiss me, wildly, deeply, kinda a little more passionately.

Mild desires, get a little bit wild in my mind. Would you want to be there?

Remind

I filled the cracks inbetween, they were not perfect. Neither am I.
I am just a cracked face, cracked body, cracked teeth and cracked mind. I might be fixable. Not perfect. Not fit to anybodys expectations.
And whenever you dare to come and fix these cracks, I want you to mind, it will not be perfect. Neither am I. Neither are you.

Not worth a damn

Let me tell you exactly how I feel.

Let's imagine you have bought a box of a brand new puzzle. You twist and look at every piece, once, twice and all over again. Once the puzzle is done you realize there is one extra piece. It does not fit here, or anywhere. All your puzzles have all the pieces. Maybe somewhere out in the world there is a puzzle missing it's piece. So you put this one piece aside, you tell stories to all your friends how you have this extra piece, useless piece. You laugh how somebody will have one missing. And then once you are done, you twist it one more time before you throw it out for good. It is a trash to you. And let's be honest it is a trash to everybody else too. Just a funny story to forget after a while. I feel like piece that was never meant to find my puzzle. Just a piece of trash, not worth a damn.

Until next

On a magical night I twined and interwined all the flowers wild. I chanted to myself, for love, for home, for someone who would be like wise me. I threw it on a magic oak. What was done, was done.

And when the wind blew it changed his ways. It made me light and swept me away. My half closed eyes could finally see the end of darkness. 

For the love was right beside me, even when I could not see it. For the home was right here, it was built by my own hands.

And for all that comes next, well darling, I will hush for now. How it comes or goes I do not know, but I am curious indeed...

My freedom

 

Smile at me

 You got me, just when you guessed me right. But it was those starry smiles that drove me wild. Now nights are not long enough to get you out of my mind. It's your skin that I want to feel. It's your smile that I want to wake up next to. It's your touch I want to feel. It's the good in you that makes me want, to be next to you. It's all I want, even when I know I could not.

We moved on

 After a long day like this, I want to lay down next to your broad shoulders. Feel your arms strokes on my naked back. Hear your voice. Want to feel a little lighter before I drift to sleep.

This is what you wanted. Nothing to do with me. I can't even hear your voice in my mind anymore, you are a hollow, missing piece. You were someone I kept my hope for. Even if it seems impossible, but maybe is better than never again. When all of hope is gone, only an angry void is left, burned with silence screaming in a way noone could hear.

Sometimes they say life finds a way. Does it really? Or it just finds some poor soul to fuck over and over, and over and over...
...and over again. It just sucks at me as a leech. And all I want is to hide so far away, noone could find me. Just want to know if there is any reason to stay, if I could even manage to find my way.

All we have

 It does not matter how it ends or how much time has gone by. I can find you still in my mind as a good memory. Hope you can do the same.

 Once the dark rolls in. I close my eyes and drown in my sorrow tears. I want to share. Want to be weak and vulnerable, want to be softly held. 

But who would stay?

Who wouldn't say I am too much? 

Who would find the stars in my broken stormy eyes? Who would want to hear how my dull days go by? Who would look at me and see me beautiful, even when I am not? Who would find a way to love me, when I am just an inconvenience? 

Once the night rolls over. I will be just a silent noone, someone whose name you won't recall. Someone who disappeared in misty hills of who was she. Just a forgotten whisper, noone heard.

I will just go on as it is. One slow day at a time, till another night comes in.

 

Rumble

 Let the snow fall tonight all humble

              And my mind around you tumble

Want to get to you much closer

Make you in this winter warmer

Let your eyes in mine linger

                  I cannot stop to wonder

Ouh my

I do not know why

                    I am around you, so shy

Do it again

 

I want to fall down deep into your arms. Become a starless night that takes your whole soul in. Wrap myself all around, leave not a single bit of your skin free from my touch. Meet your eyes in places inbetween. So I thought that was all we could.

Instead I am a river lost, floating far away, to places noone dares to go anynore. Or am I a rock, cold and unbreakable in my own mistakes. I am a vase you broke in a haste, then walked away without a second glance. Now you won't even dare to look to my face. I guess you didn't know that I could.

Even

I will always wonder where you went.
I will always care.
Even when our lives are bent.

I will always write my letters to you.
I will always share.
My letters your eyes never be able to pursue

I will always wonder where you went
I will always care
Even if my letters stay here unsent

All that breaks

 Sometimes it is just me, setting up myself for a pain unreal. I dont think I could have ever told him, whenever I closed my eyes. Did not even matter if I kept them open anymore. Could not even admit this to myself.

My mind, my wild thoughts - they travel far away into his arms.
Sometimes I do not even notice anymore, until I am all awake.
Yet if I seem to find nothing else to hold down on to, just one little reason why I stay here. Even when I know all the good times are gone, I will let my mind wander. Seeking far away for a feeling lost, until I break again. It was just me that let it all slip away. Yet still I hope maybe...
Maybe...
Just maybe for one real thing.

Now

Every time I lay down next to her. I gaze deep into her eyes, till I feel myself falling so deep into them. My mind travels all over and over looking for all the mindful places, where we could be just us.

Silence, maybe a starry night, and a bloody moon. A night warm enough to lose our minds. Might as well take off these clothes, just rip them away ferociously. We dont want anything to restrain us. I want to feel what she feels. Feel the breath of her's on the neck of mine. Gently, slowly she traces her fingers all along my skin. As if that is something she has craved for so long, so delicate is her touch.  

Time stops, and the world out there can wait a little longer. I just want to stay here for one long eternity. Feel her skin next to mine, hear every breath she takes, every time she shakes and moves in a gentle way. This is the only time, where we create more time for us. 

Neither of us want to go, we want to keep the fire in this passion alive. I kiss her cautiosly, kinda sweetly, I enjoy her every minute that she is in my arms. Tonight might never end, if we never push the brakes to our feelings. It will linger on and on, and on forever...