Solitude. It comes with its own pros and cons. I could tie my brain into reciting them all, or I could just stare to the empty wall - with an aimless mind. In a void moment, life itself looses all meaning. I am just a body, breathing, you could barely say I am alive - maybe half asleep.
But it is not enough - it is not enough to let me go.
I thrive, barely lately, I hang on some last bits of live that comes and goes in some days.
At the same time I am scared. Scared of my own laughter, since every day it gets louder and louder, while my mind gets less expressed and restrained. Words do not matter anymore, they never did. And me - I was never anything at all.
I was someone to be easily forgotten. Maybe I never existed in anyones life. Maybe I did, for a moment short, but I cannot remember those days anymore. Past seems just a dream you dreamt, until you woke up.
All I can do is laugh. Look for a ray of hope in darkest parts of this world. I have to try not to forget to breathe. Not just lie blankly, stare at wall. Let a thought in my mind- even just a small impossible thought. Just one more impossible dream that could come true.
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