dream on

Es atļaušos sapņot par to, ka kādu dienu mēs vairs nebūsim tīrās krāsās. Kādu dienu mēs vairāk nebūsim vieni. Uz mūsu domās veidotās, pilnīgi baltās skatuves sāks līt varavīksnes daudzkrāsu lietus, un viens drosmīgais no visiem saņemsies. Saņemsies mainīt to, kā viss ir iekārtots. Mainīt vientulību, kas mīt mūsos un krāsas kas liek mums būt savādākiem nekā esam.

Viņš atdzīvinās katru, atņemot mums vienu krāsu. Vienu pa vienam tas liks mums dejot kailiem, līdz  daudzkrāsu lietus mūs visus pataisīs vienlīdz krāsainus.  Kāpēc kailiem? Jo kā gan savādāk mēs visi varam kļūt vienlīdzīgi, un redzēt ka citi ir tik pat vientuļi un ievainojami kā mēs, ka visiem ir no kaut kā bail. Mums jādejo kailiem. atļaujot mums nokrāsoties savādāk. Mums jādejo kailiem, lai redzētu, to ko mēs ikdienas cenšamies ignorēt. Mums jādejo kailiem, lai mēs iemācītos mīlēt. Mums jādejo kailiem, lai visi kļūtu kā viens un neviens vairs nebūtu viens.

how hard could it be?

Sometimes I just screw up everything I touch. Not really sure of how to get back. Do I even want to get back. Do I want to be someone who always make it look like everything is  fine, like nothing bothers me. Fake smiles and and fake words. Instead I would better run away. Somewhere where no one could ever find me or reach me. Somewhere where no one would care if sometimes I do or say something wrong. And instead of judging they would learn to forgive and forget.

still the same

Oh, you little foolish girl, you never learn don't you?  Why do you even keep fighting and trying?  Do you have the right reasons or just guesses and questions?  Maybe giving up would be the easier way out. 

I know you won't give up, you're too foolish for that I guess. But learning from mistakes is a must. Now it's too late. You can't take back anything. And next time you hurt them or yourself I'll laugh in to your face. I'll repeat to you these words: "I told you so". For now you can just keep fighting your demons inside you and keep hoping for best, but we all know that for you there is no best. 

unwritten not hidden

All these letters and words I've written to myself over and over again. Things that explained the same expectations from world with different words. Words that strangely have become reality, or my mind only fools itself to make it feel this way. Let's stay with the version that these words have come out of dark, to make it brighter. But what if...

What if the other side also comes out these letters ..

What if also the darkness I've hidden within some words decides to become real and destroy like it always does. What then?

Will I have to start all over again or maybe somewhere there, deep within blank spaces of my own letters, I've hidden another ray to bright up even the darkest spot of ink?

 

 

thousand steps

Sometimes I have too many things to say, sometimes I can't get out a word. Sometimes I try to talk, sometimes I just leave it there for you to wonder. Most of times I just know how to make five, seven, thousand steps. Most of times I only remember how to dance.

...

pieces of my own

So there I was

Looking straight into your eyes

Before you could say a word

I told you my first goodbye

Just as you think it was the end

No my dear friend

It was a morning or first sun ray

A chapter in a book or something like that

Maybe I started confusion

Maybe some new mind revolution

Probably change in us that we waited for a long time

A touch, a dance, a kiss - would you also like some?

highlights

My dear, there's so much I would love to say, but since you know me best, you know I won't say a word.  Also of everything that happened before, I do not wish to rush too fast. I write stories of which you have  known before, only this time I share some of  the true me in them. And you know that there's still that part of me who doubts and scares myself. I do still manage to convince myself with a little foolishness. I could put this all in more difficult riddles and metaphores, but I highly doubt that you would need that. 

maybe some day

This way I move from day to day without ever realizing how nightly creatures have changed me. They wonder how I manage so easily to avoid them. There's no art in that, thats the way I have always done. Only few of them, would dare to notice. Few would try to change me on purpose, but they would fail. You can't change something that doesn't want to be changed. Have I become weaker in my own mind to miss these self made illusions and mindless sets of dissolutions? And what if when I come out in sun it burns me and all the creatures that dared to follow me?