Something faithful

 Solitude. It comes with its own pros and cons. I could tie my brain into reciting them all, or I could just stare to the empty wall - with an aimless mind. In a void moment, life itself looses all meaning. I am just a body, breathing, you could barely say I am alive - maybe half asleep.

But it is not enough - it is not enough to let me go.

I thrive, barely lately, I hang on some last bits of live that comes and goes in some days.

At the same time I am scared. Scared of my own laughter, since every day it gets louder and louder, while my mind gets less expressed and restrained. Words do not matter anymore, they never did. And me - I was never anything at all.

I was someone to be easily forgotten. Maybe I never existed in anyones  life. Maybe I did, for a moment short, but I cannot remember those days anymore. Past seems just a dream you dreamt, until you woke up.

All I can do is laugh. Look for a ray of hope in darkest parts of this world. I have to try not to forget to breathe. Not just lie blankly, stare at wall. Let a thought in my mind- even just a small impossible thought. Just one more impossible dream that could come true.

Ordinary

Look at these lines you left on my skin, deeper than the realms of imagination
Look at these scars you left in my soul, darker than the magic summoned

Everytime you say my name
Listen to the silence you left, whenever music of emotion came to an end
Listen to bravery you left behind, after cowardless acts of ego

Everytime you cross my mind
Feel how time is floating away out of our reach, into cliches written wrongly
Feel how nothing can change where we are, limited in our own ways

Everytime you take a breath
See how the eyes have changed in colors of the oceans deep
See how the smiles become tears you could not cry anymore

Everytime you closed the doors behind

 

In a another day

 Will there be love?

Will there be pain?

Will there be suffer?

Some restrain?

Will I be ready when it comes?

Will I stay and say I am done?

Will I say I wanna go?

Maybe stay in a vow?

Will I have a future,

When past is a vulture?

Will I be just a little insane?

Pretend I am the same?

Will I still have questions,

In his eyes reflections?

Will I drown,

When last cards will be shown?

Will there be,

Me?

If not?

If I close my eyes, I stare into the abyss of darkness. Just a little step over and I am one with the darkness. Instead I just swing back and forth, not here not there.  In between. Let the music crawl slowly up my spine.
Let the wind howl away the worry.
It is a fight I cannot fight. I stare into the shadows all around, hope to see the faces I know.  Instead there are just glimpses of maybes and madness waiting for his time to come. What is there to stop me from giving into it? Let the madness take me, while I am still sane.
I let the music slowly crawl up my spine.
I let the wind howl away the worry.
Back and forth I go.
Who will stop me?
Who will take me, before the madness does?

Who

 Who are you, when you are the last to stay awake?

Are you sad?

Or are you mad?

Kind?

What is on your mind?

Who are you, when you are last to go?

Are you mad?

A little bit glad?

Lost?

In a certain way tossed?

Who are you, when you are all on your own?

I want to be free

 I feel most alive- only in my dreams. When wind howls away my worries, and I am safe in your arms. You gave me the safest feeling I have ever felt.

I feel most alive- only when I dance. Even when half a world keeps us apart, I can feel that dance with you. That musical divinity and connection through our bodies at 4am.
I know I feel most alive when I have to put up a fight for the things I believe, but I cannot fight to be with you. I can just dream and remember the days long lost I spent with you.
I try to get over you, not that there is much to get over. No matter where I turn I just see your face, even when I close my eyes. Those are your eyes always staring back at me. I know I need to let go. So can you just go away out of my mind before I lose it completely?

Everytime I close my eyes

This is who I am. Living in my own world. The longer time passes by, the bigger it gets.

It is a lonely place, but also delightfully magical. Some may not understand, how can something like this, can still make someone happy. So listen close- it is a story of my own.

In a dark, silent night - listen to your favorite songs. By the midnight close your eyes - learn to fly. Let the whole world transform around you, even music suddenly becomes divine.  Thrust into a dance, be wide awake - but half asleep. Let it feel like everything,nothing and something within calmest chaos that you could feel.

Don't worry. You can come and go as you please. There is noone to tell you cannot, you should not.

You can open your mind to all the ideas - wild, mild and a poorly designed. Some will stick around, some will be gone by the time sun will rise. Go draw a landscape, write a song, just do nothing while you calmly imagine life. 

You can keep going, you can stop or do whatever the hell you want. Touch your skin, brush your hair, laugh, cry - just be your true self. You deserve it.

All I could do

 Tonight. Before I go to sleep on my own. As I would always do. I can close my lonely eyes - just imagine. 

Tonight. I keep them closed, only to see your brown eyes looking back at me. Looking deep within my broken parts. Make me feel safe - just imagine.

Tonight. I lay my hands on your soft face. Run up and down your warm skin. That makes me feel so alive - just imagine.

Tonight. I can only imagine. That tonight is not another night, where I have to be on my own. Feel like I am being held, feel like I am being heard. Just imagine.

Tonight. Before I drift to quiet sleep. Before I stare in to abyss of my mind. Before I listen to silence in the air, with voices unheard. I let myself not to be alone - just imagine.

Wall high

  If I were to lay down next to you, in an early summer morning, in bright white sheets. I would let the wind brush you first, right before I brush my fingers through your hair dark. So you would know difference between me and the wind wild. Before all the good morning, hush darling. Let our lips do all the talking this time.

If I would lay down next to you, in an evening late. I would let the moon to shine you blind, just before you fall asleep. And in a fleeting moment before you close your eyes, I would look deep inside you. So the last thing you see before you fall in deep dream, were my caring eyes.
If I could lay down next to you. I would become your music, your art and the cold air you breathe. Be your touch, be your soul and be your support on the days dark.