Scared

There she goes
As she knows
Her heart and head
Lost in space
Steps too big
Scares her so
Now she is broken
All alone

Nights will roll
Days will pass
Time goes fast

Nothing ever lasts
Will she find a way
To mend her soul

 

For me

Tenth, eleventh?

Maybe fourteenth, sixteenth?

Was it the ninth?

These are the numbers I cannot recollect

And I cannot make my  heart to care

Anymore

Was it a month, two or maybe six?

I would not dare to remember

As it was just a simple day

Until I couldnt bare, to pull air in my lungs

No more

It was quiet, loud and so impossible

Fare was left to share

Another day of my life

Noone cared or dared

Only to take a knife to my heart

Did I say?

See you around? Never again?

Too much goodbyes

Never enough Hello's

Was it ten, twenty

Maybe even thirty years ago

Never changed

Always the same

Invisible

She could walk on clouds

With golden hair as sun

She could dance

Could not fly

And if she were to fall

Noone there would catch her

But empty floor

And broken shards of glass

 

Something faithful

 Solitude. It comes with its own pros and cons. I could tie my brain into reciting them all, or I could just stare to the empty wall - with an aimless mind. In a void moment, life itself looses all meaning. I am just a body, breathing, you could barely say I am alive - maybe half asleep.

But it is not enough - it is not enough to let me go.

I thrive, barely lately, I hang on some last bits of live that comes and goes in some days.

At the same time I am scared. Scared of my own laughter, since every day it gets louder and louder, while my mind gets less expressed and restrained. Words do not matter anymore, they never did. And me - I was never anything at all.

I was someone to be easily forgotten. Maybe I never existed in anyones  life. Maybe I did, for a moment short, but I cannot remember those days anymore. Past seems just a dream you dreamt, until you woke up.

All I can do is laugh. Look for a ray of hope in darkest parts of this world. I have to try not to forget to breathe. Not just lie blankly, stare at wall. Let a thought in my mind- even just a small impossible thought. Just one more impossible dream that could come true.

Ordinary

Look at these lines you left on my skin, deeper than the realms of imagination
Look at these scars you left in my soul, darker than the magic summoned

Everytime you say my name
Listen to the silence you left, whenever music of emotion came to an end
Listen to bravery you left behind, after cowardless acts of ego

Everytime you cross my mind
Feel how time is floating away out of our reach, into cliches written wrongly
Feel how nothing can change where we are, limited in our own ways

Everytime you take a breath
See how the eyes have changed in colors of the oceans deep
See how the smiles become tears you could not cry anymore

Everytime you closed the doors behind

 

In a another day

 Will there be love?

Will there be pain?

Will there be suffer?

Some restrain?

Will I be ready when it comes?

Will I stay and say I am done?

Will I say I wanna go?

Maybe stay in a vow?

Will I have a future,

When past is a vulture?

Will I be just a little insane?

Pretend I am the same?

Will I still have questions,

In his eyes reflections?

Will I drown,

When last cards will be shown?

Will there be,

Me?

If not?

If I close my eyes, I stare into the abyss of darkness. Just a little step over and I am one with the darkness. Instead I just swing back and forth, not here not there.  In between. Let the music crawl slowly up my spine.
Let the wind howl away the worry.
It is a fight I cannot fight. I stare into the shadows all around, hope to see the faces I know.  Instead there are just glimpses of maybes and madness waiting for his time to come. What is there to stop me from giving into it? Let the madness take me, while I am still sane.
I let the music slowly crawl up my spine.
I let the wind howl away the worry.
Back and forth I go.
Who will stop me?
Who will take me, before the madness does?